


If Harry Styles Died

by honeymoan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry Has Cancer, Louis Smokes, M/M, Sad Louis, and cries a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 04:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4046449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeymoan/pseuds/honeymoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis. Louis and Harry. Forever and Always.</p><p>Except from the thing that Harry struggles with cancer in his lung and Louis writes letters, trying to tell himself that Harry never will die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letter 1

_Dear God,_

_my boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer in his right lung today. It’s_ _bad, really bad._

_The doctors told us that Harry will need to stay at the hospital. He won’t come home for a long time, they told me._

_But Harry is strong._

 

  
_Harry won’t die_.


	2. Letter 2

_Dear God,_

_I visited Harry at the hospital today. I stayed seated in the chair beside his bed for three hours, just holding his cold hand._

_I asked him if he will be alright._

_Harry nodded._

_The machine started squeaking and Harry’s eyes went closed within seconds. Three doctors rushed in._

_They pushed me out from the room._

_Harry won’t die._


	3. Letter 3

_Dear God,_

_the doctors told me to go home yesterday. So I did._

_I returned to the hospital today, my mind was spinning and I hadn’t even gotten an hour of sleep because I continued to think of Harry. My boyfriend._

_I wasn’t allowed to go in and see Harry, the doctors told me that he was sleeping._

  
_I started screaming, I was tossing and turning and tears finally escaped my eyes. I fell to the floor and cried. Two familiar arms wrapped around me and I looked up to find absolutely nothing. Ju_ _st an illusion of Harry._   


  
_Harry won’t die_.


	4. Letter 4

_Dear God,_

_the doctors called me today when I was sitting home in mine and Harry’s bed, just staring at the wall. They told me that they were gonna try a different medicine on him, a much stronger one but it was also told to be better._

  
_They told me that Harry will lose his hair. I started crying, because I had always loved Harry’_ _s beautiful hair._   


_They hung up and I just continued to cry silently in my bed._

  
_Harry won’t die_.


	5. Letter 5

_Dear God,_

_it’s been three months now. Three months and Harry has lost all his beautiful hair. He’s so pale, his hands are so bony and cold and he’s so fragile._

_Harry doesn’t talk anymore, he only looks at me, tears streaming down his cheeks as he gives me small smiles which say that he’ll be alright._

  
_The doctors have told me that he’s getting worse and that they’re doing everything they can to save him._ _I just tell them that they can work harder._   


_I’m sorry._

_Harry won’t die._


	6. Letter 6

_Dear God,_

_Harry isn’t doing any better._

 

_He refuses to eat, so they’ve put some kind of IV which is supposed to at least keep him from melting away because he doesn’t get any food in his body._

 

_I’m scared and I can tell that the doctors are as well._

 

_Harry won’t die._


	7. Letter 7

_Dear God,_

_Harry is once again not getting any better._

 

_The doctors say that it’s like he’s stuck and that he can’t flee from this. I just want Harry to go home with me and then I just want to cuddle with him in our bed. (Where I now sleep alone, cold and lonely)_

 

_Harry won’t die._


	8. Letter 8

_Dear God,_

_Harry has gotten so weak, he can barely move and the doctors have said that he hasn’t said anything in almost a month. They called me this morning and told me that Harry was crying in his sleep, mouthing my name._

 

_I started crying as well._

 

_It feels like Harry has passed away, he’s so weak._

 

_Harry won’t die._


	9. Letter 9

_Dear God,_

_the doctors called me today._

 

_They told me that Harry only has four months left, if even that._

 

_I broke down, heavy sobs escaping my mouth._

 

_They told me that they wanted me to come over, so I did, even though the clock only was eight o’clock in the morning and I hadn’t even had breakfast yet._

 

_I sat in the chair beside Harry’s bed, his cold hand in mine._

_“Harry,” Oscar, one of the doctors said, “we’re really sad to tell you that your cancer doesn’t look any better and it doesn’t seem like it will get any better. We still do everything we can. You may be able to stay alive for four months more, but then **. . .** we're so sorry, Harry, but you’re going to die, pretty soon.”_

 

_Harry just nodded. He knew. Tears escaped both our eyes as we looked at each other._

 

_Harry will die._


	10. Letter 10

_Dear God,_

_two months have passed since we got to know that Harry hasn’t much time left._

 

_He’s not any better, and neither am I._

 

_I started smoking, a month ago, pretty much._

 

_I guess I’m kind of addicted, smoking thirty times a day._

 

_It has gotten harder to breathe and it hurts in my lungs sometimes,_

_but I can’t really stop._

 

_Harry will die._


	11. Letter 11

_Dear God,_

_the doctors called me today, they told me that Harry was weaker and he was kind of sleeping, not dead though._

 

_I need to say goodbye to him before he dies, and that I love him._

 

_I’ve smoked more this week, fourty times a day. It just feels good._

 

_A doctor caught me smoking outside the hospital earlier this week. He told me that I should stop, if I don’t want to get cancer._

 

_I just shrugged, until an idea popped up in my head._

 

_Harry will die,_

_and so will I._


	12. Letter 12

_Dear God,_

_it’s been two weeks since I wrote a letter._

 

_I’m at the hospital, lying in my own bed, just beside Harry._

 

_I fell apart one week ago, I couldn’t breathe. I had smoked fifty times that day and the ambulance had to come and get me._

 

_Yesterday, they told me that I’ve cancer. In my lungs. Just like Harry._

 

_They told me that we don’t have much time left._

 

_We will both die._


	13. Letter 13

_Dear God,_

_none of us are any better, we are only getting worse. My hands shake so much so it’s almost impossible to actually write down these letters._

 

_The doctors told us that we only have two weeks left._

_I really can’t wait; it already feels like my body has shut down._

 

_We both will die._


	14. Letter 14

_Dear God,_

_this doesn’t feel like living anymore._

 

_I feel so much pain._

 

_In my heart, in my lungs, in my eyes because of all the tears I’ve cried._

_We won’t get any better, we’re sinking and we won’t find our way up from the ice cold water._

 

_We will die, soon._


	15. Letter 15

_Dear God,_

_my hands are shaking and it’s hard to write._

 

_But we’re so close to the end._

 

_We’re dying._


	16. Letter 16

_Dear God,_

_let us come to heaven._


	17. Letter 17

_Dear God,_

_my mouth is dry and I can’t speak to Harry. we’re just lying here, waiting for the sleep which we won’t wake up from._

 

_My eyes are dry, I’ve cried so much, but I can’t anymore, neither does Harry cry. I don’t wake up to his sobs at midnight anymore, listening to his pleadings for death._

 

_My head is spinning. All these thoughts are so slowly killing me, let it take less time._

 

_My hands are shaking. I can’t write anymore. My lungs are hurting._

 

_Harry is quiet, I can’t even hear his breathing. I might as well close my eyes and hope that I won’t wake up._

 

_We’re dying. Me and Harry._


	18. Letter 18

_Dear God,_

_Harry is lying in the bed by my side._

 

_He’s whispering._

_“Wants to die.”_

_“Wants to die.”_

_“Wants to die.”_

_There’s a voice in my head screaming loudly._

_“Me too.”_

 

_Why won’t you let us come to heaven?_

 

_We’re dying._


	19. Letter 19

_Dear God,_

_I’m lying on my side, watching as tears are streaming down Harry’s pale cheeks, as he’s watching me._

 

_We’re so close to the end, so let us fall._

 

_We’re dying._


	20. Letter 20

_Dear God,_

_let this be the last letter._

 

_We want peace._


	21. The day they died

It was a normal day at the hospital in London, the sun was shining through the curtains, making all the patients wake up to a new day, some of them getting better, some of them just waiting, waiting just like Harry and Louis had been waiting for the day when they finally would get to fall asleep and don’t wake up.

 

The wait for the two was finally over.

 

A doctor was opening the door to the two’s room, just thinking the two boys were sleeping. He knew that he had to wake them up so they could do the daily tests and see how much time was left. He gently rubbed Louis’ shoulder, and whispered his name.

 

“Louis,” his voice was so quiet, “Louis, it’s time to wake up.”

 

The boy was so pale, his face almost white. The doctor started to worry so he carefully put his hands against the boy’s chest, there was no beating from a heart, it was completely still, no sounds, no movings. The doctor immediately knew that this would be tough to tell his boyfriend, still sleeping in his own bed by Louis’ side. The doctor took the white sheet which was already covering up to Louis’ chin, and instead he put it all the way over his head. The doctor knew that he needed to tell Harry so he got up from the chair beside Louis’ bed and walked over to Harry’s.

 

The boy was as pale as his boyfriend, his eyes closed. The doctor didn’t need to gently rub his shoulder and whisper his name, he already knew that the other boy was dead as well. The doctor couldn’t help it, he sat down in one of the chairs and looked at the two boys, small tears were now escaping his eyes. The doctor was just a man, a man knowing that these boys could’ve had a wonderful future coming together, but they wouldn’t be able to actually experience it, they would have to spend their lives in heaven.

 

The doctor got up from the chair and put the white sheet over Harry’s body, completely covering him from the unknowing world, then he slowly made his way towards the door, opened it, and then closed it again. He knew that there were loads of things which needed to be done.

 

The boys’ families were soon knowing and they all were sitting by the boys’ beds, crying while they whispered how they wish they didn’t shut them out for loving each other. They had let go of their boys too early, told them that they couldn’t love each other, that they both needed to find girls to marry and start real families so it all could live on.

 

The youngest of the girls walked over and took a hold of the boys’ hands, then she put Harry’s hand in Louis’ and whispered, “They deserve to be happy.”

 

And the little girl was right, they deserved to be happy, and they finally were, they would always be together and the pain was gone.


	22. Epilogue

The rain was heavy as it rained on the tombstone.

             R.I.P

       Harry Styles

       1994 - 2014

                &

     Louis Tomlinson

        1991 - 2014

     _Forever & Always_  



End file.
